Dieting Advice You Can Count On

Since the beginning of the year, I've been concerned about my weight. On and off all year, I've been dieting or exercising. I'm currently in a cycle of doing both, and very much enjoying it.
In doing this, I've learned a great deal about dieting, and many, many people come to me for advice regarding this subject. So, in light of this, I felt I should compile a list of commonly asked questions and answers. They are as follows:

---

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: How can I calculate my body fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain -- Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Food is fried these days in vegetable oil. The fact is they're permeated with it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

How many's a Brazilian?

Being a bit of a geek, and hanging around like minded fellows, I've heard the term brazillion thrown around a bit. I've always wondered exactly how many a brazillion is. Now, I know I'm in good company:

Quote of the Day!

From The Onion's horoscope page for this week:

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but laziness will be responsible for its decomposition in the middle of your living room floor.

That makes me giggle.....

Agnes Rocks

Everyday I have a little ritual at work where it check out about a dozen or so comics. I love comics. Have since I was just a wee lad. Of course I do the popular ones, Dilbert, B.C. and such, but I have two that I love that are not so widely known. One is called Kevin and Kell. I've followed it for a few years now. It's strickly web published.
The other, my personal favorite, is called Agnes. Today's comic, in a nutshell, is why she's my favorite:

Human LCD --- Far Out!

Ok, so who among you love their sports team(s)? You may THINK you love your sports team, but, are you as nutty as these South Korean boys toward their soccer team?



The most amazing thing is that they do this with their CLOTHES (not holding up cards). They apparently have a jacket that is one color on the back, one on the front, and that they can open or close to show a third color shirt on the inside. One school has also figured out how to use their pants to make shading.

Now these are fanatics!

Just 'cause it's perty

One of my new, favorite bloggers posted a link to this picture.



Click here for the explanation of the picture...

Cutest. Ever.

Oh. My. Goodness.
If you like cute stories, you're gonna love this story.
If you like cute pictures, you're gonna love this picture.
If you like cute pictures that have cute stories....forget about it!!!

This Story!

Make Your Own Hot Air Balloon!

Kudos to whoever tries this!



If you give this a shot, send me a picture!

One happy dog

This just cracks me up


Wouldn't you like to be able to do this?

Occam's Razor

Well, I crossed another Rubicon this week.
I started a new position here at FoMoCo. I'm working in the ETO Group. That means I'm technical support for (most of) the big shots.
I think it's going to be a pretty cooly job. I get to do some hardware troubleshooting and will be part of setting up new processes to make the company safer and more secure.

While moving, I came across a Word doc that I had printed out and posted in my cube. The printout didn't make the move, so I just printed it again and reposted:

Use Occam's Razor
PLURALITA NON EST PONENDA SINE NECESSITATE

Translated:
Entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily.

Usefulness:
When you have two competing theories which make exactly the same predictions, the one that is simpler is the better.

Boilded Down:
Keep it simple, stupid.

Cool Waste of Time

One of the best/worst features of the internet is the ability to get Lost In Cyberspace. This particularly exists in the blog-o-sphere, where you can get started reading an exceptionally well written, or compelling (or both) blog, and the next thing you know, hours have been blown.
I've been known to spend a few hours just hyperlinking thru Wikipedia. It's fun. You should give it a try.

The other day, a buddy of mine told me about a site he'd read through a few years back and he had recently re-discovered it. He sent me the link. 4 hours later, I had finished the site.
So, as a free service I provide, here is the same link: http://www.brendancahill.com/index.html

The 'Outside The Box' webcomic is one of the coolest, best directed and best set of stories I have read on the 'net yet. I highly recommend it. However, be warned. If you're anything like me, (may the Lord help you) you will need a little time to get through all the stories.

Glittering Jewels of Colossal Ignorance part 3: (Don't Go Breakin' My Heart!)

I'm a big fan of Elton John's music. For as long as I can remember I've liked and listened to him. Crocodile Rock is still one of my favoirite songs.
However, for some silly, silly reason, he decided to talk about the internet and how bad it is for music.
Now usually when someone, especially a musician, talks about the intertubes now-a-days, they are running down illegal downloads and such. That's not the case with Sir Elton however.
He's talking about how music today sucks COMPARED TO THE 70'S!!! Wow...that's huge right there. Apparently, because people are online and using technology and, apparently, not communicating, music is suffering.
Here are some of his quotes:

"We're talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that's not going to happen with people blogging on the internet."
"I mean, get out there -- communicate."
"Hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet."
"Let's get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging."
"I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span."
"There's too much technology available."

Um...huh?
Maybe someone should send Elton an Internet or two so that he can figure out that more people are communicating more than ever, because of Technology and specifically because of the internets.
He is also quoted as saying: “I am such a Luddite when it comes to making music. All I can do is write at the piano.” So, Elton...if all you can do is write music, maybe, just maybe, you should stop talking about things that you don't know about. Maybe.

5 Questions Feared by (most*) Men

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. "Baseball." b. "Golf." c. "How fat you are." d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include: a. "Oh yeah, bunches." b. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" c. "That depends on what you mean by love." d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?"

Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect answers are: a. "Compared to what?" b. "I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin." c. "A little extra weight looks good on you." d. "I've seen fatter." e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include: a. "Yes, but you have a better personality." b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner." c. "Not as pretty as you when you were her age." d. "Define pretty." e. "Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Mustang GT500 and a boat.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Crap.


*This applies to most men...not I however. I don't fear these questions!

On Notice

**Update:
Since posting this I've: Finished the plumbing in the basement, played three error free softball games (two of them as 2nd base), and fixed the problem with my plumbing!

I'm it

Ok Billie, here goes. Eight(8) random facts/habits about me:
1. I believe that recreational drugs, prostitution, consuming alcohol and gambling should be legal for everyone over the age of 18 (if you can kill and die for your country, you should be able to drink!). Not that I would partake in any of them (eh hem!) or even believe they are appropriate things that people SHOULD do. I just think they should be legal. Not that these can't be sin and all either...but there should be a difference between what is a sin and what is against the law, and that differnce should be how it impacts others and not oneself.
2. Not counting family, I've kissed a total of 2 girls on the lips in my entire life. I'm married to one of them, and wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, my wife won't let me live down the other one (we were on a BREAK honey!)
3. I have a giant man crush on Wil Wheaton. It's rather pathetic actually.
4. Most people confuse me being frustrated with me being mad. It's frustrating.
5. I like to be called Donnie, even though it makes me sound like I'm five. My dad's Don, and I only get called Donald by my mom, MIL and wife (and occasionlly by my 12 year old son when he wants to get my attention), and only when I'm in trouble with any one (or all) of those three.
6. All things being equal and the opportunity arises, I'd move to Oakland, California tomorrow.
7. I make friends hard and aquaintances easily. I keep to myself and like who I like. But, once your in, your in for life. The big problem with this is that I so miss my last Pastor and his wife, now that we go to a new church. Thinking about that makes me want to cry, right now.
8. I could have lived a long and happy life not ever having read about my lil' SIL having something call a Mirena IUD.

There...the rules state that I have to pass this on to 8(eight) people. Um, if you've read closely, (number seven(7)) you'd realize that I'd be hard pressed to know 8(eight) bloggers. I know two(2)......

I Love Ludington!!!

Kim and I just celebrated our 16th anniversary last week. Now, 16 years may not seem like a lot, but when you consider that we got engaged 17 years ago, started going steady 21 years ago and start to 'like' each other some 25 years ago, and that I'm 38 years old, well, then you can see we got something goin' on!

Kim's family introduced me to Ludington years ago. My FiL's Aunt and Uncle lived there, so he got to go there as a kid (I think he heard Abraham Lincoln give a speech there when he was a boy, but I could be making that up), and he's still is going.

Any way, I thought it would be cool to go there for our anniversary this year, so I made the plans to ditch the kids, reserved a room at the Lakeside Inn of Ludington, rent a Ford Fusion for kicks and spend our anniversary there.

It was as pretty as it ever has been. Since the last time we were there, they've added a new park down by the Marina and have opened the North Shore Light House to the public to go up into!

The weather was beautiful, if not a tad bit windy and cool on the lake. In any case, it was wonderful.
In those 'I wish' moments, I wish that we could live over there, or at the very least, have a cottage in Hamlin.
If you ever get a chance, I'd highly advise going!



I know, I know. You so dig the t-shirt!

What'd he say? What'd he say?

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
- Robert McCloskey

A Raisin In The Sun

When I was in college, I had to take a multi-cultural literature class. I, like many of my classmates (and I suspect boatloads of others) felt like this was a total waste of time and money.

Anyway, one semester, the only class that I could take that remotely fit into the set of classes that I had to take was an African-American Lit Class.

Even though I didn't WANT to take the class, even though there were many weeks of arguments, disagreements and discussions this turned out to be one of the best classes I took in college.

I suspect that's the reason why students have to take classes like this and I am glad for the experience....drat!

I said all that to say, the last several days the poem Harlem, by Langston Hughes has been going through my pea brain, so I figured I'd share it:

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

DON'T PANIC!

Happy Towel Day everyone. I hope you all know where your towels are at!

Thanks to my wife, I do. To paraphrase Eccentrica Gallumbits: she's "the best bang since the Big One!"

A Highway, East of Omaha...

What do you think of music? Is it important? Do you need it?
I look back on my life and I realize how important it has always been, but at the same time, how much I've taken it for granted.
I know some people who LIVE in their music, who are vv passionate about the music they listen to and the bands that they like. I've always kind of envied them, but have never been them.

I think of being a kid and listening to my eight track tape player I got for Christmas. I was 9 or 10 and we were visiting my Grandparents Up North for Christmas. I got this single speaker AM/FM 8-Track player that had a strap on the side so you can carry it like a purse. I VIVIDLY remember borrowing my brothers copy of a Grass Roots 8-Track and walking around Lincoln with this thing blasting 'Temptation Eyes' and 'Sooner Or Later' and thinking I owned the world (I was probably wearing corduroy bell bottoms too!!!)
That album was awesome and I listened to it until it broke.

I remember when I got my first album. It was Bob Segers' Live Bullet album, and thinking that 'Turn the Page' was (and still is for my money) the coolest song ever. Fast forward 10 years or so and I've got twin infants that won't stop crying and mamma's gone to work. What do I do? I pull out my 'Live Bullet' CD, put Turn the Page on repeat and they quite down, and pass out. Coincidence? I think not. They knew cool too!

I remember buying a Run DMC cassette tape, trying to figure out if I really liked rap music. I can still recite a big chunk of Hard Times (spreadin' just like the flu!)

I remember HAVING to change the stereo in my first car (1980 Mustang Coupe) because it was all about the music and the factory stereo was bad. Real, real bad.

I remember paying WAY more than we can afford for a Bose Sound System when we first got married (still have it 15 years later) because the music coming out of those speakers sounded so good you couldn't believe it. We lived on the fourth floor of an apartment building. We could turn up the stereo loud enough to hear it on the first floor.

I remember playing a game with this guy I used to work with, Rick. We'd listen to WCSX while we worked at my mom and dad's ceramic shop. We'd see who could guess the name of the band that came on the radio first. It took a while, but I got good.
My brother-in-law started working there and got involved in the game too. Still to this day, he can name songs that come over the airwaves. I bet it impresses the crud out of his wife, like it does mine!!!

One of my favorite music memories is fairly recent. I've been an Eric Clapton fan for as long as I can remember. We had the opportunity to go see him in concert a few years back with some great friends of ours. I remember thinking before the concert "I wonder why someone would go see a guitar player? I mean, sure he shreds the guitar and all, but why is that different live then over the air?" (I'm a moron, I know)
Well, I got my answer when Slow Hand was RIPPING UP 'I Shot The Sheriff' and I'm on my feet yelling my head off. Seven ways AWESOME!

The reason for the question is that there is a lot of controversy going on now about online music and I realized I don't listen to music nearly as much as I used to. Now it's more about talk radio and sports. But music still matters. It still helps me get work done when I need to be intense about something. It still helps pass the time when I'm waiting for something big. I still stirs something inside when I need it most.

I signed up for Last.FM recently and am going to try and listen to a bit more music. Not only that, but I've tended to listen only to stuff I know and know I like. It think I'm gonna expand that a bit. I hear Last is good for that. I've heard someone say that the sight is psychic. It plays the song you need to hear when you need to hear it. I'll be the judge of that.

BTW, as I'm typing this...Turn the Pages plays thru my headphones....yeah!.