5 Questions Feared by (most*) Men

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. "Baseball." b. "Golf." c. "How fat you are." d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include: a. "Oh yeah, bunches." b. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" c. "That depends on what you mean by love." d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?"

Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect answers are: a. "Compared to what?" b. "I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin." c. "A little extra weight looks good on you." d. "I've seen fatter." e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include: a. "Yes, but you have a better personality." b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner." c. "Not as pretty as you when you were her age." d. "Define pretty." e. "Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Mustang GT500 and a boat.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Crap.


*This applies to most men...not I however. I don't fear these questions!

On Notice

**Update:
Since posting this I've: Finished the plumbing in the basement, played three error free softball games (two of them as 2nd base), and fixed the problem with my plumbing!

I'm it

Ok Billie, here goes. Eight(8) random facts/habits about me:
1. I believe that recreational drugs, prostitution, consuming alcohol and gambling should be legal for everyone over the age of 18 (if you can kill and die for your country, you should be able to drink!). Not that I would partake in any of them (eh hem!) or even believe they are appropriate things that people SHOULD do. I just think they should be legal. Not that these can't be sin and all either...but there should be a difference between what is a sin and what is against the law, and that differnce should be how it impacts others and not oneself.
2. Not counting family, I've kissed a total of 2 girls on the lips in my entire life. I'm married to one of them, and wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, my wife won't let me live down the other one (we were on a BREAK honey!)
3. I have a giant man crush on Wil Wheaton. It's rather pathetic actually.
4. Most people confuse me being frustrated with me being mad. It's frustrating.
5. I like to be called Donnie, even though it makes me sound like I'm five. My dad's Don, and I only get called Donald by my mom, MIL and wife (and occasionlly by my 12 year old son when he wants to get my attention), and only when I'm in trouble with any one (or all) of those three.
6. All things being equal and the opportunity arises, I'd move to Oakland, California tomorrow.
7. I make friends hard and aquaintances easily. I keep to myself and like who I like. But, once your in, your in for life. The big problem with this is that I so miss my last Pastor and his wife, now that we go to a new church. Thinking about that makes me want to cry, right now.
8. I could have lived a long and happy life not ever having read about my lil' SIL having something call a Mirena IUD.

There...the rules state that I have to pass this on to 8(eight) people. Um, if you've read closely, (number seven(7)) you'd realize that I'd be hard pressed to know 8(eight) bloggers. I know two(2)......

I Love Ludington!!!

Kim and I just celebrated our 16th anniversary last week. Now, 16 years may not seem like a lot, but when you consider that we got engaged 17 years ago, started going steady 21 years ago and start to 'like' each other some 25 years ago, and that I'm 38 years old, well, then you can see we got something goin' on!

Kim's family introduced me to Ludington years ago. My FiL's Aunt and Uncle lived there, so he got to go there as a kid (I think he heard Abraham Lincoln give a speech there when he was a boy, but I could be making that up), and he's still is going.

Any way, I thought it would be cool to go there for our anniversary this year, so I made the plans to ditch the kids, reserved a room at the Lakeside Inn of Ludington, rent a Ford Fusion for kicks and spend our anniversary there.

It was as pretty as it ever has been. Since the last time we were there, they've added a new park down by the Marina and have opened the North Shore Light House to the public to go up into!

The weather was beautiful, if not a tad bit windy and cool on the lake. In any case, it was wonderful.
In those 'I wish' moments, I wish that we could live over there, or at the very least, have a cottage in Hamlin.
If you ever get a chance, I'd highly advise going!



I know, I know. You so dig the t-shirt!